Random Mis-Adventures with Frog

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[siderealsandman]

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

[davefunkadelic]

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck

[siderealsandman]

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

[abadmeanmess]

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

[siderealsandman]

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

[ollies-outies]

triple-counterpoint:

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

[gothvegas]

OP is right and they should say it

[insufficientlykinglike]

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

[roguetelemetry]

thot needs to be a new class

unrelated… james bond’s only skill was being a thot… in the books typically Felix had to continually save his ass

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[ssj8goku]

learning that most trees do not derive from a single lineage but actually only look and function superficially similarly due to convergent evolution is one of the most fucked up things i’ve ever learned and i will never be the same person as i was before i learned that

[shwoo]

Oak trees are quite a bit more closely related to roses than they are to pine trees.

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[anotherjadedwriter]

history fucked me up

oxford was built and operational as a college before the rise of the mayans and cleopatra lived in a time nearer to pizza hut’s invention than to the pyramids being built

[anotherjadedwriter]

I need a noncomprehensive history book that covers Known World History in time periods, like “in this century, all this shit was happening concurrently” and not just all spread out so I have to piece it together like some unpaid uneducated scholar

[mojave-wasteland-official]

Mongols were fighting Samurai in Japan and Knights in Europe at the same time. 

Star Wars a New Hope came out the same year as the last execution in France by Guillotine. 

Abraham Lincoln and Edgar Allen Poe were friends in their early 20′s. 

When the Great Pyramids were being built there were areas that still had Woolly Mammoths roaming. 

[the-porter-rockwell]

[charlesoberonn]

Harvard University didn’t teach calculus in its first few years after being established because calculus wasn’t invented yet.

[masterwayfinders]

Nintendo was founded two years after the Eiffel Tower was constructed

[naryrising]

This is the book you want: The Timetables of History - going year by year (or in the earlier sections, at least century by century) and showing you what was going on in various parts of the world in several categories (e.g. Politics, Literature, Science, etc.)  Super useful for visualizing what events were happening at the same time.

[chronic-altitis]

looking at Wikipedia’s pages for years, decades, or centuries can also be fun for this reason

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

a tshirt that says “ONLY YOU CAN SEE ME”

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[pokemon-personalities]

some of you never had to deal with the debilitating fear of thinking you broke your pokemon game because one of your party members was poisoned for the first time making your screen glitch out and it shows

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[the-knights-who-say-book]

fantasy book with witches and wizards and magical people but all magic has a price, like

main character, in awe and slightly terrified: what did you have to give up to be able to control storms with your mind?

powerful enchanter, fighting back tears as they pull down the hood of their cloak to reveal a knotted oily mess: my beautiful luscious hair….no matter how many times i wash or brush it, it always looks like this

main character: [horrified gasp]

[the-knights-who-say-book]

fortune teller: and speak up when asking your question, these are my cards so they share my partially-deafness

other character, sympathetically: oh, had to trade good hearing for seeing the future?

fortune teller: no, asshole, i was born with it. i got seeing the future for trading in my ability to wink

[the-knights-who-say-book]

there’s a legend in this fantasy land about a powerful enchanter who traded their ovaries for the power to create earthquakes. the grumpy semi-sentient force of nature who negotiates these magic deals had thought it was pretty great one, sure to make the recipient of the deal regret making it soon enough (after all, the point is having to suffer a bit in exchange for magic, because life sucks even in magical fantasy kingdoms)

however, soon afterwards, the Grumpy Semi-Sentient Force of Nature realized the enchanter had been ecstatic to be rid of periods and didn’t care about not having biological children. the GSSFN felt somewhat cheated by this and ever since has had a strict no-trading-internal-organs policy

“fucking humans messing with the system,” it was quoted as saying

[the-knights-who-say-book]

actually, cheating the Grumpy Semi-Sentient Force of Nature out of the suffering it hopes to inflict with the magic deals is a time honored tradition in Magical Fantasy Kingdom, which is primarily made up of sassy little shits. most of the kingdom’s mythology is made up of trickster figures

there’s the legend of the smooth-talking thief who managed, by describing a certain talent of hers as “the ability to form small growths out of her skin and then reabsorb them” with enough quick confusing descriptions to trade the ability to get pimples for the power to become invisible

there’s the boy who brought the GSSFN a bucketful of cold, liquid silver in exchange for the power to cure a certain sickness, only for the GSSFN to realize once the sun had come up that the bucket contained only water reflecting moonlight

there’s the monarch who offered to trade in their power to destroy people with only their words for the seemingly much less valuable power to turn one grain of rice into two grains — only for the GSSFN to realize later it had gotten the ruler’s cutting sarcasm in payment for a power that could end a famine

[the-knights-who-say-book]

every year the Grumpy Semi-Sentient Force of Nature gets visits from tens of jewish witches and wizards solemnly offering to give up eating all foods that come from pigs or eating meat at the same time as dairy in exchange for the powers they want

“DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FUCKING CLEVER” says the GSSFN, who has frankly had enough of this shit

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[colonelfind-it]

a dnd party of made up entirely of orc bards

[colonelfind-it]

an orchestra

[fourletterepithet]

NO

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[awaywardmind]

new genre concept: soft apocalypse

the world as we know it has ended and mother nature starts taking back what’s hers. there are no zombies or cannibals or murderous bandits. the most valued members of the community are those who know how to garden and farm, sew and weave, treat wounds, work wood or build with bricks, cook from scratch. 

people bond together to begin rebuilding instead of killing each other. everyone teaches each other whatever they do know and works together to figure out the stuff none of them know. books become incredibly valued resources because they’re often the only way to learn critical information. if someone is elderly, disabled, or otherwise unable to work at the same level as most of the community, they’re taken care of by the others, not told any sort of “survival of the fittest” bs.

as the generations ware on, communities begin expanding into small cities. some of the settlements even find ways to repurpose solar or wind power on a small scale and have electricity in some of their buildings. storytellers wander the countryside telling tales of the old world in return for some hot stew or a place to rest for the night, and the mythos of the new world start to incorporate elements of the past. the only thing that remains constant is that humans survive, and they do it by working together.

[arachnescurse]

MAY I INTRODUCE YOU TO YOKOHAMA KAIDASHI KIKOU

A CHILL AF MANGA ABOUT A ROBOT LADY RUNNING A COFFEE SHOP DURING THE DECLINE OF HUMANITY WHERE EVERYONE IS SUPER NICE AND HAPPY AND IT’S JUST REALLY LOVELY

IT IS LEGIT ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCI-FI WORKS AND A HUGE INSPIRATION FOR MY WRITING

IF YOU LIKE A QUIET END OF THE WORLD PLEASE CHECK IT OUT BLESS

[xxtc-96xx]

a non dystopian future would be a nice change of pace for once XD

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[catchymemes]

Snowing at sea

[thecryptocreep]

Why do I never think about the possibility of snow on the ocean???
Now I see why, because it’s too ethereal

[Random Mis-Adventures with Frog]

[disastervaxildan]

my brain at any given moment: